Dealing with things | Anxiety

Hello.

So today I really just felt like writing. I started this blog just so I can vent and let my feelings out, but I felt like I wanted to add more to it. Today, however I wanted to just talk and I don't know of who will read this since it's boring, but it will help me feel a lot better.

These past couple of days- starting school and all- has been really difficult.  Starting it has been so rough that I am not even sure if school is the right choice for me. I am the type of girl that thinks about things too long, and instead of letting them go I hold on to them and they sit in my mind and turn into something so extreme that it bothers me so much that I cant sleep. I wish I could control this, but its easier said than done. My mind plays tricks on me, telling me things that I don't even know where they come from, but it happens. Because of all of this, I tend to get so nervous, because my mind keeps running which makes me anxious, I can't sleep, and can't breathe. This has been a rough couple of days to be honest, I don't know why it started to happen all of a sudden, but it has been driving me crazy.

I really can't say how it all started, why this happens because I am still trying to figure it out as well. And to make it all worse, Wednesday I had to give a presentation in from on my class and I could barely talk. I was shaking and to be honest, I don't remember any of it. I only remember saying that I was bad a public speaking and that is all I really remember, I was that nervous. My stomach started hurting, my head began to spin, and I felt short of breath. It was so embarrassing because I just started that class and I wanted to make a good impression, but that didn't happen. I have always been sort of a nervous/shy person, but I could handle the speaking in front of people and what not, but this week I felt defeated by my own mind and nerves, and I wish I could stop it.

I do feel better since I did back at the beginning of the week, but It hasn't been easy. A lot of baths, soothing music, teas, and just trying to get some sleep have been a few of my remedies to this thing. I have been trying to stay positive, relax and just not worry about things, but my mind is a little bit crazy. This- typing- has actually made me feel some kind of relief, and I hope that if you have bad anxiety or panic attacks, just to remember that you are in control of your mind, and that your mind is not in control of you. This isn't an easy things to deal with, but I know that I can get better if I try and not let it control me as it has been doing the past few days. I know what I am and I know that I can get through this. It wont be easy, but I now know that before a panic attack or I feel anxious about anything, that I just need to collect my thoughts and just take a step back from everything.

Phew, I feel a lot better by just letting everything flow out of my head. I am going to post this, and if you did read this than thank you. I just typed this to make me feel a bit better and it has. So yeah.
Don't worry, my next post won't be so depressing, I promise.

Till Next Time,